I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.