Texts From Last Night

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  (571): View more from Virginia

  it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk

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  (571): it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk http://tfl.nu/mdkh
  Replies (3) Good night (1303) Bad night (576)
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  (225): View more from Louisiana

  I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room

  (1-225): View more from Louisiana

  haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?

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  (225): I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room (1-225): haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom? http://tfl.nu/q6me
  Replies (55) Good night (10573) Bad night (1129)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should

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  (609): i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should http://tfl.nu/q5zo
  Replies (25) Good night (4471) Bad night (886)
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  (661): View more from California

  Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.

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  (661): Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up. http://tfl.nu/ev42
  Replies (22) Good night (5292) Bad night (1922)
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  (818): View more from California

  Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.

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  (818): Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful. http://tfl.nu/9blw
  Replies (15) Good night (2423) Bad night (4852)
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  (718): View more from New York

  I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.

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  (718): I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there. http://tfl.nu/dv4v
  Replies (13) Good night (4434) Bad night (1566)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.

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  (904): SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER. http://tfl.nu/kfu8
  Replies (23) Good night (5428) Bad night (1587)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.

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  (814): he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard. http://tfl.nu/0fj9
  Replies (42) Good night (2390) Bad night (4721)
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.

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  (856): First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here. http://tfl.nu/4o4p
  Replies (4) Good night (1912) Bad night (1421)
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.

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  (605): Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible. http://tfl.nu/ozx2
  Replies (3) Good night (1724) Bad night (686)
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  (619): View more from California

  Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...

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  (619): Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by... http://tfl.nu/g8gw
  Replies (9) Good night (3969) Bad night (895)
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore

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  (774): I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore http://tfl.nu/ac46
  Replies (2) Good night (757) Bad night (1225)
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  (808): View more from Hawaii

  At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth

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  (808): At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth http://tfl.nu/4jaz
  Replies (4) Good night (1044) Bad night (524)
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  (951): View more from California

  Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.

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  (951): Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation. http://tfl.nu/t4hm
  Replies (4) Good night (1293) Bad night (575)
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  (714): View more from California

  I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?

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  (714): I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went? http://tfl.nu/i9uq
  Replies (1) Good night (351) Bad night (739)

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