Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
you will always have a special place in my vag
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina