He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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