Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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