What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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