Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
