so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
