I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
