Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
He has the fingertips of a God
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