Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
