In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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