Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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