woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
