it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
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she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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