i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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