That's intense
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
