No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
