At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
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This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
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It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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