I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize