Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
