I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I just pynch a tree in the face
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
