shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
