Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
