My friends, they love my intelligence
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
