Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
