So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
