I wannas sexs uuuuu
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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