listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
you would pick up someone in the library
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
