Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
