Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
