Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize