I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
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THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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