I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
