You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
