yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
