and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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