Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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