Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
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