I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize