you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
a search helicopter?!
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I just want nice things and good sex
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
