My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
