dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
There are leaves in my underwear?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
