so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
