i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
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