I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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