You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
