wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
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