Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
