I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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