She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I had to cum in my sink.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
