I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
