definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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