So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
