i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
