it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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