having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
