FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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