Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
